Why Ignoring Boundaries Was Destroying My Happiness- Millie’s story…
Establishing boundaries can sometimes feel counterintuitive or like the beginning of a difficult battle. It's natural to fear that refusing opportunities or requests might disrupt productivity or cause tension within our relationships. After all, there's this persistent fear that saying yes ensures smooth sailing, maintains our task completion standards, and keeps our loved ones content.
However, mastering the practice of implementing constructive boundaries can truly transform your life!
Here’s Millie’s story:
Millie embarked on a life-changing journey last year. She was struggling with a chronic illness, which she was managing alongside full-time employment and being a mum, wife, sister, and daughter - all of which carried their own responsibilities. After years of suffering, she decided that she was ready to take back control of her boundaries and the elements of her life that she could control.
She sought help through a psychologist, healing through yoga and meditation, and my support as her coach.
Millie knew she wanted things to change in three main areas of her life - managing her illness with purpose and self-compassion, being confident in her presence as a mother and wife, and fostering a better relationship with her father and brother. She made fantastic progress during her sessions, and her capacity for self-compassion was definitely an element that helped her to make fast and lasting changes. We worked on challenges as they arose, dealing with her perspective of her emotional self and working on self-acceptance. As time progressed, we saw each other less frequently, but over Christmas, despite her efforts with her father and brother, she was left feeling undervalued and overlooked.
After a string of disappointments, Millie made a courageous decision. She chose to speak up, expressing her longing for more support and recognition from her family. Though met with a response that fell short of her hopes, Millie remained steadfast in her commitment to her own well-being. Today, she maintains a healthy connection with her father and brother, refusing to overextend herself, thereby reclaiming her sense of self-worth. Millie stands her ground with grace and determination. It is still met with some hostility and a lack of understanding, but she can forgive them, as she knows it does not come from a place of malice. It’s a challenge, but she is already reaping the benefits. She no longer feels blindsided or disappointed when she is seeking recognition and affirmation. She seeks support from people willing or able to hold space for her, with results she could only wish for six months ago.
Whilst she struggles some days with changing the dynamics of her interaction in these relationships, we often look back at how far she has come since last year. We identify her strengths and how her newfound boundaries give her affirmation, freedom to be herself, and ultimately, joy!
When you are ready to make a change, there is often a period of introspection, but this needs to be followed by a process of carefully considered and measured action. Seeking support and guidance at this stage can mean the difference between successful and lasting change or fireworks - an explosive reaction that changes things short-term but eventually fizzles out.
If you think you may need to put some boundaries in place and want to explore this further, then please do get in touch. Our first contact is always free.
Have a wonderful day!
Leila x